These are my confessions..

Ok so the title is way more serious than this post is actually going to be.



 My brand new computer has been on the fritz lately so I'm blogging from my phone. I'm just sitting here giggling over videos of my children and decided to write a post centered around the little things that happen on the reg here at the Johnson household. Some I will admit I'm not the most proud of, and pre-parent me would have never imagined I'd be doing some of these things. My new mama motto is "never say never." Anyway here it goes:

-i swore I'd never give my children pacifiers.. Here we are 2 paci addicted kids
- TV is the devil right? I mean... Let's not completely take it off the table. Our latest obsession "Brave" and "phantom of the opera." It's certainly better than listening to the Hot Dog Mickey song. 
-I promised to be strict about Amelia's nap schedule.. She sleeps attached to me most days 
-I said I'd never give them non organic.. Except goldfish.. And granola bars.. And yogurt raisins.. Oh hell screw organic. 
-I hide certain books that I can't stand reading.. We got a free generic princess book that she's OBSESSED with.. Horrible plot not educational at all. I hid it and she still asks for it every nap every night. 
- I still rock my 2 year old while singing the entirety of Phil Collins "you'll be in my heart" because she asks "mama rock you!?" Heart melt..
-I hold Amelia extra long after nursing her at night because all day I wish I could eat up those cheeks. 
- if Lucy's up before 7 I throw her in my bed and let her watch nursery rhyme songs on my phone while I "sleep" or close my eyes rather, for another 30 minutes.
-when Millie pukes all over me I typically don't change... Ok let's be serious I rarely change. Baby wipes are like an all encompassing cleaning tool.. Bathrooms.. Hineys, dog paws, spilled wine.. You name it
-It's pulling teeth to get Lucy to eat protein, my best bet is a Jimmy Dean microwavable sausage patty.. So you better believe we see these at least 3 times a week. 
-I bribe my toddler with chocolate chips to go up the stairs for bath time.. Again the struggle is real, while carrying my five month old I will do anything to get Lucy up those freakin' stairs. 
-after I put the girls to bed 99% of the time I sit on my phone and scroll through pictures of them 
-I love the way Amelia's breath smells.. Weird I know I could smell it all day. 
-I attach the words "rainbow or princess" to most items to get Lucy to like them. Ex: she will drink milk if she has a princess cup.. 
-at one point I tried to find any food product that resembled the color orange because she definitely wouldn't eat it unless it was orange. 
-I just bought Frozen string cheese to get her to eat cheese and fear that it was the best and worst decision ever. 
-sometimes after running errands if both girls are quiet I sit in the car for an extra 10-15 minutes in my driveway.. Because it's most likely the only quiet time I will get all day
-half the time when I'm scolding Lucy I have to hold back my laughter because she's so awesomely ridiculous
-time out is a serious threat in our house.. Until it completely backfires and Lucy asks to go to time out with a smile on her face .. What!!?
-Lucy is a known biter.. Yes you heard right. She's scrappy.. Don't mess with this one, it's gotten to the point where I now put hot sauce in her mouth if it happens.. Innovative discipline I call it. And she says "Lucy bite. Hot in mouth" 
-I love the fact that Lucy now says things that I have no clue where she got it from.. Ex: "oh my gosh mama." Or "I go right back" or "mama go dis way now"
- Lucy yells at our dogs.. Daily.. I mean who does she get that from 😂 "Bru Bru go now!" "Re Re enough!!"
- Lucy now grabs my beer and says "Lucy's beer." "mama smell HOPS!" And it's hilarious .. Not my most proud parent moment.
-I've mastered the art of nursing a baby while also holding a toddler.. Because your toddler all a sudden becomes "desperate" for you the moment your baby latches to eat.
-as I'm changing an Amelia poopy blow out, I look over and Lucy had unsnapped  her diaper to reveal a lovely log on my kitchen floor. And then proclaimed "I poo poo, I change hiney!"
-I taught Lucy to just tell "BONK!" Every time she hits her head on something.. The child is clumsy, I'll hear her yelling "BONK!!" from the other room quite frequently followed by a giggle.
-I mistake Lucy's baby doll for Amelia.. Kind of frequently.. It's terrifying especially when you see Lucy walk in the room
And throw her baby halfway across the room. 
-I feed Amelia basically every time she makes a peep. #imakefatbabies
-I promise Lucy she will get a treat if she doesn't scream at target.. She screams anyway and most often still gets a treat
-for car silence.. Two words : IPad movie. (The grinch most often)
- I try educational activities with Lucy while Amelia naps. It typically results with her throwing the alphabet puzzle/flashcards and a "mama no!"
-the entire time while Amelia naps Lucy says "I go check on Mimmie" (also I'm pretty positive Lucy thinks we named Millie after Minnie Mouse ) I have to convince Lucy to stay downstairs and that we actually don't need to go check on her 
- neither one of my children have clothes on typically.. Diapers yes, shirts optional. By 6:45pm it's the hot mess express over here.. Also don't ever try calling, stopping by around 6:30.. It's called the "witching hour" for a reason.. It's bat sh** crazy around here. 
- Lucy basically water boards Amelia during bath time most nights then exclaims " Mimmie likes it!" Amelia giggles in her perfect easy going way.
- after bath, before bed, I have to physically run after Lucy with Amelia in tow to dress her, brush her teeth and hair.
- then book time is heaven. Both girls on my lap. Sometimes quiet.. Sigh of relief and another sigh that maybe I'm doing OK at this whole parenting thing. 


Truthfully I could go on for days.. And maybe I will do another post like this. The real life of having two kiddos 2 and under. It's wild.. But awesome.. So thank you God for my insane life.. I wouldn't change a thing. 

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